In the Mirror

It's weird to look at the mirror and say, "I'm grown up."

What does that mean? How do you know when you actually get there?

Does it happen when you get a "real" job? All I know is, I'm not real sure I'm cut out to be a teacher, but here I am.

Does it happen when you find grey hairs? I have at least 4 and counting. At least I'm ahead of my great aunt Ruth, who went completely grey at age 19 only to lose her hair to chemo.

Does it happen when you "settle down" in a specific location, maybe with a specific someone? I'm in Texas with Evan...and...I'm supposed to be grown up?

Why I'm having doubts:
-I hate calling doctors and making appointments. Especially since I have new health care.
-I hate being called Mrs. Longfield and looking like I still belong in the 10th grade
-I hate tithing, balancing the checkbook, accounting for money spent, etc
-I'm weirded out by the idea that my mom just got a "life coach" to help her figure out how to take the next step in her life as an empty nester paying for my brother's college

I want to stop teaching and figure out for just a second how to do this whole adult business and feel responsible and secure. Because I miss being okay with the way I am.

Do I want to just go back to being a kid? No, not really. My poor high schoolers are painful enough to watch on a daily basis.

I just feel a little lost.